


Slip

by Lisse



Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-17
Updated: 2005-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisse/pseuds/Lisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pilgrimage and the way it changes people, except when it doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slip

See, some days she just wants to smack him.

Not hit him. Hitting him means a closed fist and a choice weapon or three and somebody limping off to see if Yunie's got a healing spell handy. No, what she means is a  _real_ smack, fingers all flat together and maybe he'll just laugh. Might be worth it.

Except she'd probably break her hand on that jaw, seeing as how he's got rocks for brains and a thick skull to boot. And she's kind of half-afraid he'll say something about Al Bhed heathens even though she knows he won't now and - and she really shouldn't care what he thinks anyway.

She doesn't, by the way. So there.

Jerk.

There's a little teeny-tiny corner of her head that's thinking maybe she keeps glancing over at him because it's better than thinking about something else. It's better than thinking about what's going to happen to Yunie - _no, no, not gonna go there_ \- and just maybe it's because he's all safe and stuff. He's all normal, or as normal as anyone who's a guardian can be.

She kind of likes normal people, even stupid rock-brained ones. He's not going to go anywhere, or at least that's what she tells herself a lot.

When she squeezes her eyes shut and tries not to think about the big Yunie-shaped hole the Calm's going to have, he's the one who pops up. Like you could move the entire world around and he'd still be just the same.

Like a rock, really. A big annoying rock who smiles all nice, except that he doesn't smile much these days.

Rocks-for-brains. Good name. Maybe she'll call him that. He'll get mad at her and she'll get a reason to smack him - a better reason than him laughing cute, or at least a reason she can actually say.

Big jerky cute rock. Maybe he'll laugh at that. She wants him to laugh.

Because. See. She thinks he's the one who  _could_  still laugh. Not now, but someday later. And then she can laugh with him about something really stupid - she's all full of stupid stories, or she used to be - and that's after and she's not going to think about that, shewon'tshewon'tshe _won't_.

That just leaves here and now and her bouncing on her toes. It's her turn to keep watch, and anyway she just can't  _sleep_. She knows it's no good trying, not with the bad dreams she's starting to get. Dreams full of holes, and mostly they're Yunie-shaped but sometimes they're him, because he's all normal and safe and those are the first things Sin gets, isn't it?

Normal and safe and then kablooie, all gone.

Sometimes she thinks she's dreaming, but then she tries to wake up and nothing's changed, and it's like everyone's slipping past her in a current and she's gone and forgotten how to swim. It shouldn't be like that. Not now, when there's no fiends in sight and no one's awake to leave big empty silences around and it's all quiet and peaceful-like.

Calm-like, maybe.

This is what she wants the Calm to be like. Not the bits where she's got something squeezing her heart, but the bits where everyone's  _here_ and there aren't any holes to work around. It's like she wants to change everything in the background - just Sin, that's all, not too much to ask - and leave everything in her little circle just how it is. Changing-but-not.

So she goes and stands next to him and thinks he's good at changing without  _changing_. He's safe as great big jerks go.

_Anchor_. That's the word she's looking for. Big red-haired stubborn anchor. Like if she can just get a grip on him, she can grab onto Yunie and everyone else, all the other good bits and pieces, and make sure they don't change any more than he does.

But he isn't going to understand, not even if she stomps her feet and rages at him and slaps him for being thick and maybe not even if she just kind of runs up on tiptoe and kisses him - gotta make sure he's still there. Or maybe he will understand, and that's worse because then he's not going to be the way he was and she won't have anything that's constant and predictable to hold on to.

She thinks maybe she wants to smack him because she's used to being mad at him over silly things and nothing's silly anymore. Instead she slumps down on the ground and wraps her arms around her knees and it's amazing they don't have fiends surrounding them, the way he snores.

"Don't you go changing on me," she mutters, and she breathes a great big sigh of relief when he doesn't wake up and answer.


End file.
